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But that didn’t stop her from continuing to have sex, and “the crying and the guilt has slowly vanished over the years,” she said. In fact, given today’s sexual landscape, she’s pretty sure her future husband will have been even more promiscuous than her––so who is he to judge? Another Christian friend, Kim, told me she doesn’t think premarital sex is any graver than other sins because we are all sinners: “People make it a bigger deal than it really is,” she said.

She then leafed through Bible verses, pointing out that the Scriptures never clearly define a stance on premarital sex.

She huddled us together and declared, “Oh my God, gals, I lost my virginity!

“I wrote this book to get the dialogue going.” Some Christians, though disturbed about the culture today, suffocate under what Meier calls “an invisible gag order” to stay silent because “that’s just the way it is, so get with the program and don’t try to swim upstream.” But more and more young adults, even secular ones, are voicing disenchantment with today’s hookup culture.

Such questions have always existed in young Christians’ minds, but platforms to express them honestly are rare.

Many parents and youth leaders share the mentality that if they don’t talk about it, young Christians won’t engage in such activities—which only leaves them floundering, Meier said.

And disappointment, colored with just a tinge of loneliness, that I was now the oldest virgin in the gang.

At that moment, I realized with shame that the culture I so self-righteously tried to buffer had already infiltrated my heart—today’s accepted “hookup culture,” which trivializes sex and dating.

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